I had very good intentions of blogging the past few days. But it seems that life has its own plans as usual. Feeling like I'm just going through the motions as of now these days. I'm doing my best to serve and please God, but sometimes feel like I'm not doing enough. It's also difficult to stay joyful sometimes as I miss my friends and family very much. I still have plans to blog this week and to update you all... because I have had some wonderful experiences. Just right now, I'm just leaning to God for strength, peace, and understanding of God's path and direction for my life. In the meantime this song was on my heart today so I thought I'd share.... I always listen to the Spanish version, but for my English speaking followers I'll post it in Inglés. 

If you'd like to hear the Spanish version click the link below:

So I realize I've been a bit M.I.A. in terms of blogging. But I think that is just a testament to how much I've been throwing myself into my experience here in Guatemala (along with a bit of slackerism). But instead of throwing all of it at you at once of what has happened the past 5 months I decided that each night this week I would highlight a month and let you know where I was in my progress and the experiences that really impacted me. So here goes...

December - Noche de Paz (Silent Night) 

The holidays in Guatemala far exceeded my expectations! Now granted my expectations included deep depression and hours of crying, but, my family and I got so much closer and I was really beginning to feel like part of the family. Christmas included singing, laughter, some grilling, and of course PIÑATAS!

How it all started…

Instead of descansando (resting) one Tuesday after work, I decided to go to the weekly bible study with my host mom. However, upon arrival, I realized that this was not going to be our usual session as the leader began handing out song lyrics. It turns out we were practicing for a Christmas presentation, and I was now in Group #2. The group was apparently impressed at my ability to pick up the music and sing along, and figured that I should direct the choir. Thinking it was a joke I laughed along, but soon realized that they were serious. Now I do my fair share of Karaoke, but most who know me understand that I do not 1) enjoy being put on the spot 2) do very well in front of large crowds, and 3) I don’t know the first thing about directing a choir.

And so we were off to practice for the Christmas program. I figured I might as well, I mean if they had that much confidence in me, I guess I could do it.  It was actually quite fun to be a part of the community. I had not realized until that moment, but I was not really feeling like I was fitting in too well in my church. On Sundays I would sit confused mostly, because the sermons are in mostly K’iche’, and in the end I was wishing I was at home in bed instead of in the pew. Well with this new involvement I would definitely be in attendance!

Christmas Eve

The big event was upon us. After three weeks of practices, we were ready for the big show. All the women were instructed to wear traje (traditional dress) from different communities to show the diversity of God’s children. I borrowed one of my Aunt’s, representing Quetzaltenango for the night. And boy was I nervous. I couldn’t even eat before the performance (and y’all know how much I like to eat). Everything went well except where I nervously missed the intro to the second verse of one of the songs. Check out our performance:

In the end we finished at church around 11:30 p.m. and walked home to wait for midnight. We crammed into the kitchen (the warmest place in the house) to eat grapes and drink hot chocolate and wait. As soon as it hit midnight, fireworks started going off around town. We went outside to watch the festivities. After the light show, we ate yummy paches de arroz (similar to a tamale but made of rice) and cake!

I then proceeded to sleep until 10:00 a.m. 

Christmas Day 

This was probably the most odd of all having Christmas in Guatemala, because it was so warm! We had a family picnic on a nearby montañita (hillside) and grilled chicken and exchanged gifts as a family. I even made baked macaroni and cheese for the occasion, which they enjoyed, and commented that it was just like pizza. There were also piñatas in the likeness of Santa Clause and Frosty the Snowman. It was so different and FUN that I didn’t have time to stress over not being with my family at home. I realized that God will definitely give you what you need. It was beginning to get so stressful and sad at times, but just like I wanted, I was surrounded by the love of family on Christmas, my new Guatemalan family!

A family that prays together…

After our winning Christmas performance, my family got really excited about my apparent singing/directing abilities (confused? I am!), and decided that we should do a family performance for New Years Eve. Again, I thought they were kidding, but the day after Christmas, we had a family choir rehearsal until midnight. The end of which included hot chocolate and sweet bread so I wasn’t complaining. We decided that Friday night we would rehearse again at church. At this point, I was sooooo (add a million more o’s) tired. After going over the songs a few times, we decided to take a break. My host mom had us all sit in a circle and we went around and all said what we were thankful for in the past year. My host mom said that she was thankful for me. She said that she had always wished her son, my host brother Julian, could have a sibling and was happy that he’d found a sister in me. The waterworks began there. As we went around the circle and everyone expressed their thanks, I realized how big a deal it was that we were singing as a family. That what seemed like a silly thing to me, was bringing this family so much closer. The last to speak was my brother Julian. Julian’s father left for the states when he was only 2 years old, so he has never really known his father except the occasional phone call. Julian encouraged his younger cousins to be thankful for the love of their family and to cherish the relationships that they have. He reminded them to be thankful for that above all other matter of material possessions, and most of all to be thankful to God for the lives that they are able to lead. (Anybody see a future minister, I sure do!)

At the conclusion of our sharing, we prayed and I realize that I needed to be more thankful for what I have and not complain about what I don’t. That I need to live in the now, and to cherish and grow the relationships that I am blessed with. 

And by the way, our performance was pretty AWESOME!

As mentioned on my previous post, besides my breakdown, I am actually having some fun here in Guatemala. My experiences have ranged from interesting to hilarious, from unexpected to life changing and so I thought I’d share of bit of that too. Also, I mentioned a couple of things in previous posts that I want to make sure to update you all on. 

Dogs, cats, & chickens… Oh, my! 

I was born in Chicago and besides the occasional visit to Mississippi, have rarely stepped foot in the country. Well, now I live there. Pachaj is a small town outside of Quetzaltenango (also known as Xela). Pachaj is about a 30-min lunatic crazy bus ride away from Xela. In my town, there are beautiful views of the surrounding mountains, very nice people, and oh did I mention… ANIMALS! You can’t walk down the street without passing a chicken or two grazing in the fields, dogs barking, cows grazing and if you’re lucky you may see some turkeys too! The family that I live with has a large number of chickens (with fresh eggs…yum), two pigs, two dogs, and two cats. Now anyone that knows me, knows that I am not really a friend of the animals. If I could live in a world without them, I probably would. Now I’m talking like pets or mascotas, because we all know I love a good burger! Well living here, although fun, has solidified my decision that I will not own a pet. However, the cats in the house do make for some good entertainment. The other day I was sitting to lunch with my host mother and grandmother and the roof and walls were trembling. My host mom said it must be an earthquake so we hurried outside. Well, all seemed calm. Then we turned to see the cat on the rough rolling around licking itself making the whole kitchen shake! Ha!

Fear Factor: Guatemala Edition... 

Or maybe this section should be called “What’s for dinner?” I have had some very interesting meals here so far in Guatemala. I feel like every meal is like an episode of Fear Factor. You sit at the table, are handed a dish, and everyone watches waiting for you to finish every bite. I’ve at this point stopped trying to identify which part of the chicken/cow/pig that I am consuming and just chew. Occasionally, my host mom will explain to me what I am eating before hand (not preferred, except in the case of the beef liver – I would have definitely liked to have known about that), but usually its just up in the air. For example, myself and Austin, another YAV, stayed with a family in Pachaj for week during language school. Our host mom asked us if chicken would be fine for lunch. Of course! Well I was not aware that she meant one of the chickens in the yard. I got to watch her strangle the chicken, drop it in a pot of boiling water to remove the feathers, gut it, and make a soup. I was even so lucky as to get the heart in my bowl (I couldn't eat it - I just kept imagining it beating). So it's all an adventure. Pork spine this week, and who knows, chicken feet the next!??!?! 

Lost in Translation…

November 7 – 11 I was invited by CEDEPCA (see “My First 5 Weeks”) to help translate for a medical clinic from Pittsburgh, who would be in Pachaj and the surrounding communities. This invitation came as a surprise to me because I am not the most confident in my Spanish speaking abilities. Well, what an adventure! It’s one thing to translate basic conversational Spanish, but it becomes a bit more difficult when trying to explain to someone that they need an intravaginal ultrasound! YES, that happened! Besides getting to hang with an awesome team and learning some useful medical Spanish, this experience also opened my eyes to the medical needs of those in the surrounding communities. We diagnosed many cases of parasites and amoebas, and on the last day encountered a young boy who had congenital heart disease. Thanks to the help of the medical team the young boy will be able to go to the hospital and seek treatment, but I just think of how many other children there are who may be suffering from similar if not worse conditions.

So what’s up now?

Asociación Nuevos Horizontes (www.ahnh.org)

For the past month I have been volunteering 2 days a week at Nuevos Horizontes, a shelter for women who have experienced interfamilial violence and abuse. Many of the clients are adolescent girls with children. My role as a volunteer is to program a variety of recreational and educational activities for the women and children and to build positive relationships with them. I must say that my first few days were a bit stressful. I planned what I thought were two AMAZING activities, but only 5 people participated #Fail. Well, although it was in the midst of my breakdown, I decided not to give up and try again. Boy am I glad I did! Last week I taught a dance class and the girls really enjoyed it (although they did make fun of my choice of music and requested more Reggaeton). My other volunteer day I taught the kids about Kwanzaa and we made our own motivational posters choosing one of the 7 Kwanzaa principles. Although I planned this activity for the young kids, several of the women also joined in. It has also been nice that after only a few weeks, the girls have really warmed to me. As I walk up I usually get the call of “Seño Yaquelin!” and a host of warm hugs from the women and children. I am definitely looking forward to more fun activities and building relationships with the women over the coming year. Next week Christmas decorations and COOKIES!

Comité de Salud – Pachaj, Cantel

My other volunteer placement is with the Comité de Salud (health committee) in the health clinic my small community of Pachaj. The clinic provides free health services to members of Pachaj and the surrounding communities. We offer free vaccinations, family planning, general check-ups, and medicine. As a volunteer in the clinic I assist the health promoters with home visits to individuals who cannot come to the clinic or to families who have forgotten to bring their children in for vaccinations. I am also able to help with general administrative tasks (patient check-in, keeping inventory of the medicines… etc.) and with the BABIES! I get to weigh and measure the babies and they also allow me to give them their vitamin and vaccine drops. Although the first couple of weeks were a bit slow, I’m able to assist with a lot more things and am beginning to build positive relationships with my co-workers. Also, because my host-mom is the President of the local health committee, I am also able to assist her with various tasks. All in all I’m starting to get into the swing of things.

Family Time

So my host family is pretty much AWESOME… I couldn’t have asked for a more loving bunch of people. My host mom, Juana Herlinda, is great and takes good care of me. She is a pioneer in her community and very respected, and I am honored to be working with her and the Comité de Salud. Doña Linda has a 19-year-old son name Gonzalo who loves to bug me. I kind of live in 2 houses here. My room is attached to the house of my grandparents here and my host mom’s house is a short walk down the hill. I eat most of my meals in my host mom’s house but it goes back and forth. My host mom has 6 brothers and sisters, all of whom meet every Sunday with their kids at the house after church. It’s like the movie Soul Food but Guatemalan style! They make sure to include me in all of the family events, like most recently my Aunt Rebecca’s birthday party. I have also begun tutoring my little cousins in English on the weekends. Having such a warm home makes it easier to live out here in the middle of nowhere. My best friends here are my 12 & 16-year-old cousins and we enjoy sharing a plate of fries after church on Sunday. All in all… a great fit!

Pictures from the birthday Party

Well I know this was a long one, but thanks for hanging in there with me. I look forward to keeping you all up to date on my progress and activities. And because the holidays are upon us I will definitely let you know how my Guatemalan Christmas goes! And speaking of the holidays, Christmas came early for me! Thanks to all my friends and family for the gifts.

(Don’t judge me but I’ve already finished most of the chips and candy)

Thanks again for all your love and support!

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Jackie

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”   ~ Philippians 4:6-8 (NKJV)

Since my last post things have kind of been a rollercoaster here in Guatemala. Life has been filled with a series of ups and downs, including finally moving to my permanent family, starting my volunteer assignment, the death of my uncle, getting bitten by a dog, struggling at my volunteer assignment, briefly returning to Chicago for the funeral, bed bugs, and many tears… its been a little rough. And with all of this it’s very hard to be in a place so far from the support system that I’ve built over the past 6 years. With that said, I have found myself, unfortunately, counting down the days until I get to see my family and friends again.

It took so much for me to get here and yet, I find myself yearning for the comfort of the familiarity of home.

But then what is “home”? I haven’t lived in Chicago for 8 years if you count all of undergrad, grad school, and the past two years in New Jersey. And things are just as uncertain there as they are here. What am I going to do next year when I get back? Should I change career paths? Will I continue to pursue Higher Education? Should I go back to school?

And then this week I received the email from PC (USA) about next year and the application for a 2^nd YAV year. (Really God?)

So I am basically having an internal meltdown at the current moment. And it doesn’t help that Thanksgiving just passed and Christmas is on the way. I don’t know what I’m doing and it’s driving me a bit bananas.

But then I see the above scripture and I know that all I can do right now is look to God as my support. However, it’s easier said than done; to not be “anxious” and to live in the moment and appreciate the experiences that I am having here in Guatemala: like having the opportunity to read and explore my spirituality, the ability to rest (I honestly forgot what it was like to take time for ME), finding three new sisters in Kristi, Austin, and Julianne (having them here with me is truly a blessing), conversations over pachas/tamales with my host mother, the beauty of this country landscape, and having the opportunity to discover what things in life bring me joy. All the “anxiety” I have been feeling of the uncertainty of my future have been distracting me from enjoying life and my community. Now that is not to say that there is no validity in my feelings, but I realize that I need to meditate on positive things, as not to skew my view of the reality of how things are really going.

Whatever will be, whatever is in God’s will, shall be done… So in my waiting, I’m going to love life while I’m doing it!

So to my family, friends, and supporters… please meditate on this word with me and continue to keep me in your prayers. I know that God is working in me… pray that I be patient enough to figure out where G0d is leading me.

God Bless!

Jackie

So the past five weeks have been a worldwind...

I lived in San Juan del Obispo, Antigua, Guatemala, for 4 weeks learning and practicing my Spanish. I have also had a lot of time to reflect about needs v. wants, and to examine my privilege and my USA inspired view on the world. Partly because I have not watched t.v. since I've been here, and the other is meeting weekly with my group and discussing the history and context of Guatemala. We've had the opportunity to visit various organizations including:

Corazon de Mujer: This is a collective of women who survived the Guatemalan civil war. Through the group they are able to provide support for one another and make a living through weaving various products including scarves, table runners, and other products. We were blessed enough to learn the story of Bernadina who had to flee her community with her children because of the threat of death during the war. Learn more about them and show support at http://www.corazonscarves.com/index.php?main_page=page&id=2.

"Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" Proverbs 22:6

This summer as I prepare for my journey to Guatemala, I have the wonderful privilege of working with Northwestern University's Civic Education Project (CEP) and their CivicWeek and Civic Leadership Institute (CLI). In our first day of class today we did an activity where we had students answer a question: "If you could do one thing to change the world, what would it be?" Here are some of the answers:

• To prevent gun violence
• To fight for gender equality
• To cultivate cultural competence and understanding
• Access to healthcare for all
• Promoting health education to reduce teen pregnancy
• College access for all
• Improving the inequalities within the education system... etc.

I don't know about any of you, but I was ASTOUNDED! I smile knowing that these are the young people that will be in charge when I am older, and you should too. 

So that brings me to the scripture above. As many times as I have read it, I've always associated it with behavior and often when it has been taught to me that was the context of the lesson. However, what if we began to look at this in a new lens? What if we worked to make sure that we instilled values of inclusion and civic responsibility in the youth that we encounter on a daily basis. For me, many of these issues that these young people are already passionate about were not really introduced to me until college. And so this scripture within that context becomes that much more powerful, right? If we train up civically responsible and informed citizens, we will build a group of people who are committed to promoting social change and dedicated to making change within their communities. 

I then think about my assignment in Guatemala. One of my placements will have me serving with Asociacion Nuevos Horizontes (http://www.ahnh.org) where I will be working with the children in the shelter. I have an opportunity to influence these children and not only broaden their knowledge of US culture, but I also have an opportunity to expose them to African America culture within the US. I believe that I have a responsibility to teach them, even at a young age, about inclusion and social responsibility. And my hope is, that through their interactions with me I can help cultivate the next social leaders within Guatemala and the world! 

So I leave you with this quote as food for thought:

“Once social change begins, it cannot be reversed. You cannot uneducate the person who has learned to read. You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride. You cannot oppress the people who are not afraid anymore. We have seen the future, and the future is ours." - Cesar Chavez

In a nutshell: Let's educate the youth of today so that we can have a better tomorrow!

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

The time is near!!!

This is what keeps playing in my head. I'm starting to get... NERVOUS! (awwwwww)

But why am I getting nervous? This idea isn't one that just "popped" into my head. I have been contemplating it for quite some time. I've prayed about it extensively. And the one answer that I keep getting is: "GO" Be not afraid!

I think part of what makes me anxious is the fears and doubt of those around me. As encouraging as my family and friends can be, their constant questions and concerns have begun to rub off on me.

• What if something happens to you?
• Do they even like Black people in Guatemala?
• What if you get robbed?
• What are you going to eat? Oh my you know how much you love food, you're going to starve! (Perhaps my favorite concern)
• Isn't it hot down there? You know you don't like the heat!
• What are you going to do about money?
• What about a job? What are you going to do when you get back?
• etc. etc. etc...

So I've started thinking the same thing. I began to doubt my once certainty and wonder... maybe I am making the wrong decision. Then I came across Deuteronomy 31:8. How awesome to know that no matter where I go, or what I do, God is already there. Preparing the way. There is no room for doubt for He is always near.

So to all my friends and family who are worried, concerned, have questions, just know that God is in this decision and is already there, preparing for my arrival. And no matter what trials may come, because we know trials will come, that I nor you should fear, because God is with me.

A West African symbol of the Akan "Sankofa" teaches us that we must go back to our roots in order to move forward. That is, we should reach back and gather the best of what our past has to teach us, so that we can achieve our full potential as we move forward. Whatever we have lost, forgotten, forgone, or been stripped of can be reclaimed, revived, preserved, and perpetuated.

1 Samuel 3:9 - So Eli told Samuel, "Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, 'Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening." So Samuel went and lay down in his place.

"It's time to stop running!" This is what I am constantly telling myself. On June 20, 2004, I was hit by a stray bullet in a shoot out between two cars. The bullet hit me right above my left temple. Even the EMT said that I needed to thank God, because from where he was standing... I should not have been conscious. What a hard moment. To know that God has more for you. To know that your calling has not yet been met... And so that voice I hear it again saying "It's time to stop running!"

My heart has been heavy with this call for sometime. In that accident I think I lost a piece of myself. And in several moments it seemed that I was finding the pieces again: I joined Fall Alternative Break, Circle K, Alternative Spring Break. In each of these activities it seemed like I was finding a part of myself. Yet something was missing....

So I decided that student affairs was the route I would take and still something was missing...

I realized that the missing piece, was God. I was serving, which was good. I value service and making a difference in the lives of others, but realized that I could not be effective, if God was not at the forefront. And so when the opportunity to apply for YAV came to me, I grabbed it. This was my moment to "return and get" what I had been missing in my service all this time. 

And so on March 17, 2011, I went to the YAV discernment weekend nervous, but ready to continue my journey back to Him. And as I cried day 1, interview 1, day 2, interview 2... and so on, Each time I peeled away a layer of what has been holding me back. 

Now is the time to stop running. Now is the time to go back to God and allow him to work in me so that I can be the woman he wants me to be. And now, like Samuel, I look to the Lord saying "Speak, your servant is listening!"